Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
