your room smells of hookers.
And success
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
