So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
