I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
