are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
