you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
