shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
