While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
