She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
