Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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