FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
