after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize