i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize