his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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