he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
