Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
