I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
