i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
