I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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