you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
