please come you make the beer taste better
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
