No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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