I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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