I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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