She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
