Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
