dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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