I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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