Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
