he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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