I could make wine with my vomit
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
