I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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