ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
