I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
