The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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