I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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