WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
