my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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