She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
