It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
