I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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