I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
