He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
