I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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