"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
