she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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