Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
