Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
