that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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