the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
