have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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