Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
