I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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