I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
