Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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