She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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