tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
