For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
