in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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