My nipple is on Facebook.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
