i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
