Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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