I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
