I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
