Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
not ubering you a puppy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
