Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
