What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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