no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
