we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
