Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
