The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
