she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
