how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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